The Follies of Flirting

Being friendly isn’t always beneficial. I’m not saying you should be a dick all the time– that would be problematic – but being open and inviting to everyone you meet is just as, if not more, problematic than the first.

There’s a fine line between “being friendly” and “flirting” that I continually teeter on, like a college kid dancing on the edge of celebration and alcoholism. Similar to that of the inebriated student, my actions get me into a lot of trouble.

 

Here are the common phrases from my conversations:

Friendly

  • “I love your outfit today.”
  • “You’re adorable.”
  • “You’re the worst.”
  • “Come over tonight, I need your presence near mine.”
  • “Are you still dointhat hand thing?”
  • “I love you.”
  • “We should get married.”
  • “Shut your mouth.”
  • “Babe.”
  • “You’re flawless, never change.”

Flirting

  • “I love your outfit today.”
  • “You’re adorable.”
  • “You’re the worst.”
  • “Babe come over tonight, I need your presence near mine.”
  • “I love you.”
  • “We should get married.”
  • “Shut your mouth.”
  • “Babe.”
  • “You’re flawless, never change.”

I duped you. They’re the same phrases. I’m incorrigible.

 

 

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World reference aside, I don’t really know how to flirt. At least not on purpose. My flirting is strong and constant, similar to that of the hulk. You could also argue that I’m simply incapable of having normal conversations, but I like the hulk better.

All I want is for people to be happy and to love themselves! Unfortunately, I’ve come to discover that when I shower people with emotional support, some assume I want to provide this happiness and love for them.

No thank you, I would rather not.

 

My behavior causes problems and I know it, but can’t help it. To make matters worse, the time comes and someone tries to take things to the next level I have to do the worst thing on earth: reject them.

Rejecting people is counter productive to my mission and therefore I swiftly avoid it as much as possible. This is a bad method. I have become the queen of vague rescheduling and my “nos” have morphed into elongated “maybe’s” spoken with a pitch high enough to irritate certain small dogs.

I want to let them down kindly, effectively and without hurting their feelings, but it ends up being a bunch of lame ass excuses and more of my already ambiguous lingo. I string people along. Not on purpose, but out of twisted manners.

Everyone figures out the truth eventually, and from then on we continue our flirtationship without confusion or stress. No harm done. I believe that flirting encourages good health and that everyone deserves to be reminded of their attractive or impressive qualities.

 

Does that make me nice or just a tease? I don’t know, you tell me.

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: